Weird fics for the weird minds!
by Mar1lyn Man5on
Summary: These are fics that i love! The first one is the first fic i ever wrote about Harry Potter and the sec i got from MermaidFaery!! R
1. My 1st ever done conversations

Ok here's something I myself wrote but It doesn't have anymore chapters cuz it's the first thing I ever made!!!  
  
  
  
Harry Potter: Hello, proffesor Dumbledore..er, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a minute?  
  
Dumbledore: Of course Harry! please step this way... *takes him to his office* Well, Harry? I'm all ears.  
  
Harry Potter: well...I was wondering... where is Lord Voldemort now?  
  
Dumbledore: ahh, fine question there...I'd wish I knew myself...  
  
Harry Potter: *hits Dumbledore over the head with his Firebolt* opps, sorry Proffesor, something inside me made me do it!  
  
Dumbldore: *standing up from floor* well *shakes* I do hope that doesn't happen again, right?  
  
Harry Potter: right. Sorry.  
  
Dumbledore: well, Harry, do you have any other questions you think I might be able to answer?  
  
Harry Potter: Well, yeah..er..How come my mum and Lord Voldemort had an affair?  
  
Dumbledore: *thunderstruck* er...er, well, Ha-Harry, I, I wouldn't really know, how-how...I mean..I don't really understand your question...!  
  
Harry Potter: Oh c'mon! *hits him over the head with a swordfish* you *hits him again* do *hits him harder* know!!!! *stops* oh dear, what has gotten into me??!! *sits*  
  
Dumbledore: *recovers from the floor, again* Well, Harry!! what did you eat today?! I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't hit me over the head anymore!  
  
Harry Potter: *hits him over the head with Christine's elephant* What am I doing?? *pokes him in the eye with one of Firebolt's twigs* *in deep, cold voice:*HAHAHAHA TAKE THAT YOU MORON!! Hey, wait, that wasn't my voice!! *stops, and sits again* *looks at Dumbledore* Oh, proffesor! please let me help you!  
  
Dumbledore: NO, no...er, no, I'm..fine, th-thank you, er, Harry! Now what was that?!? Who spoke in such deep voice? surely it wasn't you?  
  
*just then Hermione brakes in*  
  
Hermione: *in deep hoarse voice* AAAAAAAHHHH DUMBLEDORE!! YOU BRAIN-LESS PRAT! SURELY YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THIS! *takes out a pink, fuzzy, fluffy bunny from her pocket* *bunny attacks Dumbledore*  
  
Harry Potter: STOP, OH GOD, HERMIONE!!  
  
Hermione: *heads turns 180º around, and looks at Harry* well, you're the sexy one! *Grabs him by the waist* Kiss me! *kisses him*  
  
Harry Potter: *breaks free* EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! *takes out wand* Impedimenta!!!! *flash of red light* *Hermione starts dancing a tango*  
  
Dumbledore: oohhhh Tango!! *joins Hermione* *hermione dances with Dumbledore*  
  
Harry Potter: *takes out Beer and Vodka and starts making cocktails, bloody maries and scotch on-the-rocks*  
  
All: PARTY!!!  
  
This is something Grace sent me that it was hilarious!!  
  
  
  
Harry Potter: Uh, hullo.  
  
Britney Spears: Ohmigod. Are you British? I love British accents! You know, I email Prince William sometimes.  
  
Harry Potter: That muggle? I mean, that's great.  
  
Britney Spears: I love your outfit! You look like a wizard or something. (squeezes Harry Potter's cheek)  
  
Harry Potter: Back, foul succubus!  
  
Britney Spears: What?  
  
Harry Potter: Oh sorry.  
  
Britney Spears: Whatever. Oh, that's a great fake lightning bolt you've got tattooed on your forehead.  
  
Harry Potter: It's not fake! Absolutely no part of me is fake.  
  
Britney Spears: Yeah, me neither. (winks)  
  
Harry Potter: Well, are you a muggle or not?  
  
Britney Spears: A muggle?  
  
Harry Potter: You know, can you do any magic?  
  
Britney Spears: Hmm. Well, I did manage to transform my mediocre singing talent into a chart-topping pop-music sensation! Look, now I'm just a girl...now, I'm a whole industry!  
  
Harry Potter: Wow, All I can do is transform lead into gold, or Hermione Granger into a frog.  
  
Britney Spears: (giggles) They pay you for that?  
  
Harry Potter: Well, no. But I also have the ability to magically transmute an identical storyline into the best-selling book in the country every single year. Abracadabra!  
  
Britney Spears: It sells better than Britney Spears' Heart to Heart?  
  
Harry Potter: (incredulous) yeah!  
  
Britney Spears: Hmmm. Can you sing?  
  
Harry Potter: No.  
  
Britney Spears: Great, then lets cut an album together sometime.  
  
Harry Potter: OK.  
  
Britney Spears: So, what else do you do?  
  
Harry Potter: Oh, I play Quidditch, this game where you fly around on a stick and try to catch the Snitch. I'm the "seeker".  
  
Britney Spears: Sounds tiring. Oops!  
  
Harry Potter: What is it, Britney?  
  
Britney Spears: I did it again.  
  
Harry Potter: What?  
  
Britney Spears: I played with this poor guys' heart.  
  
Harry Potter: Hey, it happens. Especially with a muggle as pretty as you.  
  
Britney Spears: No, seriously. This guy was kind of old, and he had a pacemaker. I kept shooting microwave radiation towards him. He seemed to be having a real hard time breathing. I need to stop doing that kind of thing.  
  
Harry Potter: What did this guy look like?  
  
Britney Spears: He was kind of tall, kind of skinny, wore all these robes, kind of like yours, but older. He had a wizened old beard...  
  
Harry Potter: You killed Dumbledore!  
  
Britney Spears: I guess I should have stopped, but I got lost in the game. Ooh, baby, baby..  
  
Harry Potter: (Starts beating Britney with magic wand) I can't believe you killed Dumbledorf, I mean Dumbledore!  
  
Britney Spears: Stop hitting me!  
  
Harry Potter: OK, sorry.  
  
Britney Spears: Hit me baby one more time!  
  
Harry Potter: (hits Britney again)  
  
Britney Spears: Ow!  
  
Harry Potter: Sorry.  
  
Britney Spears: It's OK, I asked for it. I should never have performed so many annoying, repetitive songs.  
  
Harry Potter: Well, I hope you're sorry.  
  
Britney Spears: Believe me, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had been accepted to Hogwarts, and that I lived in Griffindor.  
  
Harry Potter: No, I hope you're sorry you killed Dumbledore!  
  
Britney Spears: Oh, the old wizard I killed?  
  
Harry Potter: Yes. With him dead, the evil Lord Voldemort will take over the world.  
  
Britney Spears: Voldemort? Who cares!  
  
Harry Potter: What?  
  
Britney Spears: Harry, you have a lot to learn about girls. (giggles). I'm not that innocent... I am Lord Voldemort!  
  
Harry Potter: Really?  
  
Britney Spears: No, actually, Voldemort's just one of my drummers. He's really not such a bad guy. Nothing like those jerks from LFO. If they took over the world, it would be a real problem.  
  
Harry Potter: What do you think of Christina Aguilera?  
  
Britney Spears: (growls) Oh, I think she's so sweet! I want to kill her, uh, I mean, she's so nice!  
  
Harry Potter: Well, I've got to get back to Hogwarts to battle the unholy terror you've unleashed on the world.  
  
Britney Spears: Yeah, I've got to get back to the studio to unleash my next album, Oops...I Unleashed an Unholy Terror on the Universe Again.  
  
Harry Potter: I guess this is goodbye.  
  
Britney Spears: Yeah, nice meeting you.  
  
Harry Potter: Alright, everyone reading this make sure you buy my books!  
  
Britney Spears: Yeah, and all of you out there, buy my albums, calendars, posters, and my very special Britney Spears' Heart to Heart.  
  
Harry Potter: Anything else you'd like to add?  
  
Britney Spears: Oh yeah. All you girls out there, start dressing like a 22- year old coed when you're twelve.  
  
Harry Potter: (flies away on broomstick) 


	2. Another one!

~Okayz, well I made this conversation cuz I was pretty much bored, and since I like Eminem, and Potty, I though "the heck.?" and just did it. I guess I was high on something! JK. It's between Harry Potter and all the members of Backstreet Boys, and Eminem. To all B.S.B fans out there, I'm sorry if you don't enjoy this, but life is not fair.~  
  
  
  
HARRY POTTER: Hello.Uh who are you Muggles??  
  
AJ: Did he just insult us?!  
  
KEVIN: Cool off A.J. Man! Find the interior peace and use it on your outside.remember how our yoga instructor told us.well you, to control our rage.  
  
A.J.: Shut up, dog! I mean, er, please be quiet, uh, Kevin.my best bud.  
  
KEVIN: Doesn't that feel so much better?  
  
A.J.: Uh do I have to answer that?  
  
~Eminem comes in, and stands there, looking at the boys with fright~  
  
EMINEM: Ok, who told me I had to come to Fag-Land?  
  
HARRY POTTER: And why do weird Muggles keep popping up from nowhere?!  
  
EMINEM: Shut up biAtch. Why am I here?  
  
HARRY POTTER: Why am I here? Who are these guys? Why am I not in my dormitory, trying to put a spell on Weasley's bed, so that it looks like he peed over-night.?  
  
~Every one stares at him~  
  
A.J.: Did Em just call us gay?  
  
HOWIE: Yeah, but since the federal taxes mostly go to us, we needn't use any kind of violence on him.  
  
EMINEM: I'd beat the crap out of you before all the taxes went to you. I keep them all, didn't you all know that?  
  
HARRY POTTER: What are federal taxes?  
  
BRIAN: Nothing, your Queen keeps them and spends them on wine and social parties for her own recruited friends.  
  
NICK: When's lunch?  
  
A.J.: Shut up slug, you should go back to that Pet Adoption center-  
  
EMINEM: And so should all of you.  
  
A.J.: Say that in my face again, brute-  
  
KEVIN: Guys! Please let's talk this out over a nice bean sprout sandwich! I promise it will calm us down.  
  
BRIAN: Will you shut it, Kevin? KEVIN: Brian! I'd thought better of you!  
  
BRIAN: Oh jeez, I should've stayed home.  
  
HARRY POTTER: Really, why am I here?  
  
NICK: Why do you have a tattoo on your forehead? I have one on my butt and it's a pretty sunflower and a happy face.  
  
HOWIE: Am I the only normal person in here?  
  
EMINEM: None of you are normal. I'd say you are all musically empty in any way you look at it.  
  
A.J.: Who asked a fag like you?  
  
EMINEM: I'm more man than you'll ever be-  
  
A.J.: F*** you b****!  
  
EMINEM: Make me, little girl!  
  
HARRY POTTER: Ok, ok! Er why don't we change the subject? Who here plays Quidditch?  
  
BRIAN: Qui-what?  
  
KEVIN: Quit arguing! Let the boy explain-  
  
EMINEM: Why is he so retarded?  
  
NICK: Why is the sky above our heads but we make the clouds?  
  
BRIAN: Seriously Nick, go back to your gay studio and record some other song before you fall again and hit your head with your cat's litter box.  
  
NICK: Uh? I have a kitty? Oh yeah.Is it my brother?  
  
KEVIN: No, dear Nick, Aaron isn't your cat.  
  
NICK: Oh.  
  
HARRY POTTER: ~Sigh~ Quidditch is a game where you fly around on brooms and try to catch the snitch, or score points, to make your team win. It's really fun! I'm the Gryffindor Team's Seeker!  
  
EMINEM: The-what-crap-team's-shit?  
  
BRIAN: Oh! It sounds like this game I learned when I-  
  
A.J.: Shut up Littrell, nobody wants to hear your boring blab.  
  
BRIAN: Why are you this mean?  
  
A.J.: Why don't you go back to that hospital of yours and actually die?  
  
KEVIN: Seriously guys! There's so much negativity in this place I'm actually scared!  
  
HOWIE: Seriously, I need a "chupito".  
  
NICK: Is that Chinese? HOWIE: Does it sound like it?  
  
NICK: No.  
  
HOWIE: Then shut it.  
  
EMINEM: This is getting fun.  
  
HARRY POTTER: Uh, well.who's up for some butterbeer, eh?  
  
EMINEM&A.J.: Does it have alcohol or any kind of drug in it?  
  
HARRY POTTER: No  
  
EMINEM&A.J.: Then keep it.  
  
BRIAN: Ok, I am out, I can't stand this freak convention!  
  
EMINEM: Nobody invited you to a freak convention because we all know you are the guy in the jackass show in MTV.  
  
A.J.: Good one!  
  
EMINEM: Yeah whatever.  
  
NICK: Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!!  
  
KEVIN: Ah! Nick that hurt my crutch!!  
  
NICK: Sorry, I just found this pretty broom standing here all by itself.  
  
HARRY POTTER: Hey! That's my Firebolt!  
  
NICK: Really? Weee!!!! ~mounts it and flies out the window. Then, crashes against a Porn shop~  
  
HOWIE: Oh.that must hurt.  
  
EMINEM: No, porn shops are cool, they only hurt your wages.  
  
HARRY POTTER: Uh. so anyways, what do you think about a tobacco company suing McDonalds?  
  
HOWIE: I find it quite hilarious.I don't know why they did it but it's just pointless.  
  
KEVIN: It's horrible, McDonalds is such a nice place! They didn't deserve it! It's horrid!  
  
EMINEM: Haha, they probably found some nicotine inside the meat or some ashes in the lettuce.Hahaha I can totally picture a little brat telling his mommy he found one of those things she smokes inside his french fries!!  
  
A.J.: Yeah, or maybe the Ronald McDonald clown was smoking a cigarette and got cancer and sued them!!  
  
EMINEM: good one!  
  
A.J.: thanks!  
  
NICK: Think of the children!! Now what am I supposed to eat?? Sad Meals??  
  
BRIAN: Shut up Nick, retard! I see you're back.  
  
NICK: yeah some girls pulled me inside the weird shop and did something to me.Can't remember though.Hey have any of you seen my wallet?  
  
A.J.: Shut up.  
  
EMINEM: You tell him, dog!  
  
A.J.: Yeah it gets annoying after a while.  
  
HARRY POTTER: Uh...well you know I must go back to my place, Snape'll think I'm off to search his office and hide inside a cocoon.It was nice chatting with you.eh Muggles. ~Flies off with Firebolt~  
  
KEVIN: C'mon let's get out of here before Nick realizes we're off!  
  
A.J.: Yo, Em, wanna gimme a ride? My car broke down, and I have to get to Tupac to give him back all the crack money I owed him.  
  
EMINEM: sure bro, hop on.  
  
~They all go~ THE END!! 


End file.
